What can I do?		Questions and Answers		Parent Concerns
Questions que posent les parents en Français		-Questions Parents Ask -Questions Teens Ask		Parent Action Pack
What's With Weed		POT Talk

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With all the stress that parents face providing for our families, we may sometimes worry that we are not giving the time and support they need. We may end up feeling that we have very little influence on our children's decisions, such as those concerning the use of tobacco, alcohol or other drugs.

In fact, it is surprising how strong our influence is - in childhood and throughout the teenage years - in helping our kids set goals and make the really important decisions for themselves.

We have tried here to help parents increase their positive influence and reduce the risk of alcohol and other drug abuse within their families, by:

• presenting facts about drug use among young people today
• answering questions parents commonly ask about drug use
• addressing issues that have been shown to be connected with drug use
• responding to parents' concerns by offering practical suggestions

We hope you find this information useful.

Let's Begin with a Few Facts…

Children and teenagers have tough choices to make. As parents we want to help our children make good decisions about alcohol and other drugs.

Perhaps a few facts will tell us just how widespread the problem of alcohol and drug use is.

Here is a look at some of the latest findings:

ALCOHOL IS, IN FACT, THE MOST COMMONLY-USED DRUG. From the 2003 studies from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), we know that:

• 66.2% of students (grades 7-12) had used alcohol (drank one drink or more on any occasion) during the past year.
• 18% of these students drank weekly or more frequently.
• 39.4% of these students had had five or more drinks at one occasion at least once in the past month

Perhaps an even more startling fact is that CANNABIS (MARIJUANA OR HASH) IS THE SECOND MOST POPULAR DRUG USED BY OUR YOUTH. The CAMH study showed that

• 29.6% of the students surveyed reported using cannabis in the previous 12 months
• 45.9% of these students had used the drug 10 or more times during that period.

While there has been a recent important decline in the rate of smoking, THE THIRD MOST COMMONLY USED DRUG IS TOBACCO.

• 19.2% of students (grades 7-12) smoked in the previous year.
• 69.2% of these students smoked one or more cigarettes daily
• The majority of regular smokers start smoking by age 15.

Not all students use drugs; in fact, 30% reported no drug use (including alcohol or tobacco) and the large majority (two thirds of students) did not use an illicit substance.

However, many of those using tobacco, alcohol and other drugs reported dependence on and problems associated with their substance use.

When do I start talking to my child about drugs?

We need to start talking with our children when they are very young. Drug use is part of everyday life. Sometimes we forget that cough syrup, headache pills and other medications are also drugs.

At a very early age, children begin to learn that taking a pill or other drug can make them feel better. They learn this from television and from our own example. There are many opportunities to teach the safe use of medications when they are very young.

Young children are naturally curious and often ask questions about what they see, including the use of tobacco and alcohol by family members or others around them. We need to encourage their questions and give them direct answers. We also need to think about our attitudes and actions and how these might influence our children.

For More Information - RESOURCE SECTION: Early Start

How likely is my child to use drugs?

Our children are very likely to come across tobacco, alcohol and other drugs on the street, in the schoolyards, among their peers… and in our homes.

They will have to make decisions about their own use of these drugs throughout the adolescent and later teenage years.

Why should we be concerned about our kids' use of tobacco, alcohol or other drugs?

As parents we need to realize that many teenagers will experiment with smoking, drinking, or marijuana and then choose never to use these drugs again, or use them very infrequently. For most children, taking some risks is a normal part of growing up.

However, we must also recognize that there are serious risks associated with any use of alcohol and other drugs. These risks are there whether it is the first time the drug is used, whether the drug is used rarely or used often.

These risks include:

• Serious physical reaction (for example slower breathing or increased heart beat);
• Not knowing how one person's emotional make-up will respond to the drug at a particular time (one person's mood response could be quite different from someone else's and it can change any time the drug is used);
• Poor judgment and decision-making (many people, young and old, admit that their actions were careless, stupid or even dangerous when they have used alcohol or another drug).

Young people who are new to using tobacco, alcohol or any other drug, can be very sick or frightened the first time they use it. This can sometimes be a good thing, if it helps them decide to never use the drug again! However, some young people find that the use of tobacco, alcohol or another drug satisfies a need they have - for confidence, dealing with stress for personal problems, friendship or taking risks. Then it is more likely that they will continue to use the drug, at increasing rates, and a whole new set of problems can begin. Furthermore, adolescents who become used to using one type of drug, such as tobacco, are more likely to use another drug, such as alcohol or marijuana.

Especially during the adolescent stage of life, when their bodies are developing and they are learning to make decisions for themselves, our kids need to protect themselves from the problems that any drug use can bring.

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Families come in many different forms. Families can range from having a single parent to having two sets of mothers and fathers. A parent may live with the child or in another city or even in a distant country.

When we use the term "parent" here, we are referring to anyone who is actually providing a child with nurturing and care. This may include a parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle, other important family member or close adult.

Whatever your particular family arrangement, it is the family that gives children their sense of belonging. Home is where children look for a safe place to be themselves and the support to grow into responsible adults.

Sometimes parents feel that they have very little influence over what will happen to their children. And whatever influence we do have seems to decrease as our children grow older! We are concerned that peer pressure, the media, and other factors take over, affecting the decisions our kids make.

Let's look at some of these factors.

Peer pressure:

Friendships are very important for children. Some parents, who grew up in an environment where family or neighbourhood was their most important influence, may find this difficult to understand.

For many children the need to be with and talk to friends peaks in the early teenage years.

It is true that kids will do things to fit in with a friend or a peer group. At times it may be hard to accept their hairstyles, clothing, choice of music or the constant (and lengthy!) phone conversations.

The adolescent years are a natural time of searching, trying out different styles, looking to "be different" within the safety net of a peer group. It's part of the normal process of getting to know "who I am". It doesn't mean that our kids have lost their respect for our family values or their need for our caring and support.

Children who have to balance the culture of home with a different culture at school can find it stressful. When a family is new to the country, even young children can be burdened with the responsibility of translating for adults in their family or helping them solve problems in the outside world.

Some children may begin to rebel against their culture by choosing friends over family, resenting their heritage or questioning religious customs.

Parents have to work hard to help children achieve a balance between family traditions and the pull of the "outside" community.

Our education system has to deal with many things these days. As parents, we have the right to expect a lot from the place where our children spend over six hours a day. But we must recognize how difficult it is for schools to meet the needs of each child all the time. So much can happen inside and outside the classroom to make kids feel good, or bad, about themselves. It is important to help children feel positive about their time at school.

My child seems to be more 'challenging' than the others...

Children, of course, have their unique combinations of strengths and weaknesses. Some children have special physical or medical needs; some children have learning, behaviour or adjustment difficulties. These children may struggle, and need extra support, to develop a positive self-image. When kids don't like themselves they may be more open to trying risky activities that can harm them. Seeking professional help early may be an important step to prevent problems from developing later.

Young children have learned about the harmful effects of tobacco. As a result, they may be very concerned about a family member who smokes. They may even put extreme pressure on that person to quit. It is important to acknowledge their concerns about the smoker's health.

Even if you are the one who smokes you can try to protect your children from the harmful effects of the smoke. Your words and actions can also help protect them from becoming smokers themselves.

A drinking problem in the family can have serious effects for a child. However, there is strong evidence that having a caring and responsible adult in their lives can be a very important factor in helping children avoid alcohol abuse themselves.

Children need to build a close, trusting relationship with an adult. If a parent is not able to provide this, an uncle or aunt, grandparent, teacher, minister or other close person can help.

Back to the Basics

There are some aspects of parenting which are the foundations for a solid parent-child relationship. With these building blocks in place a more positive relationship is likely to last throughout the adolescent years.

Building a healthy self-esteem...

Very young children need to feel that they are the centres of their parents' worlds. It is this sense of being special that provides the root for self-esteem to grow. As they get older, we need to nurture this sense of personal worth by giving our children the security to challenge themselves and meet new goals. Kids will develop self-confidence when they realize that they have the courage and ability to overcome problems.

In a positive sense, parental supervision spells out to children that we care about their health, safety and well-being. As children get older the amount and the type of supervision typically change as they become more responsible and independent. However, our concerns about their safety and well-being do not decrease. We need to work out a system so that they become comfortable with giving us information about their whereabouts.

Supervision has become a particularly important issue today because so many parents work long hours and children are often left on their own after school. Unsupervised time can allow kids to get bored, or feel lonely or not cared for. Although we may not be able to physically supervise their activities, we still can check in on them and let them know we care.

Sometimes we assume our kids will 'just know' what our family values and expectations are. We need to find the words to state our position clearly about a number of important issues but we also need to be open to having our kids express a different viewpoint.

Remember…

Our children continue to look to us for support and encouragement for values and standards from early childhood through adolescence.

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