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PAD began with a number of parents coming together to discuss their concerns about their teenage children's drug use. Although PAD has evolved into an organization, which focuses on providing education and intervention programs, we have never let go that initial service-providing support to parents.
PAD has an information/support line, which is accessible toll free throughout the province of Ontario. Parents and other caregivers can call and share their concerns about a child's behaviour. PAD offers practical strategies to guide families through difficult decisions. If parents require more serious intervention, we will try to help them find an agency which best suits their needs.
In the 416 and 905 area code regions, and from all other areas outside of Ontario, Canada, call 416-395-4970.
The toll-free number for other areas within Ontario is 877-265-9279.
For some helpful strategies you may want to consider if you have concerns
about a son or daughter using alcohol, marijuana or another drug, please refer
to the Parent Section (When You Have Concerns About
Your Child's Tobacco, Alcohol or Other Drug Use).
The following are some suggestions for parents that we came up with while working on the Letters to a Street Child Project with other concerned parents and youth.
Some Suggestions for Self-Help
If you are the parent of a child who is living on the streets, or a child who is struggling with substance abuse or other problems in your home it is easy to become involved in a downward spiral of negative, harmful responses.
Here are some suggestions for parents - things to avoid and things to try - when dealing with a child who
- is seriously violating family standards
- is misusing or abusing drugs
- is showing manipulative or aggressive behaviour
- is showing a significant decline in school attendance and performance
- is involved in an antisocial or unknown peer group
- leaves home periodically or live continually on the streets.
Some Things to Avoid: DON'T… | Some Things to Try: DO… |
isolate yourself from contact with others, because you think that "they'll find out" or "they won't understand" |
actively looks for support, from extended family, a special friend, through the internet, parent support group, helping professional (counsellor, doctor). You will be surprised how others can relate your situation. |
punish yourself by not letting yourself deal with anything other than your problems |
look for something that feels good for you - physical activity, massage, hugging a family member |
blame yourself, your spouse/partner or others in the family, because you think that whatever you did "obviously wasn't good enough" |
put the past behind you and concentrate on now - what you need to do, what changes you need to consider, how you can "do business differently" |
resort to destructive or desperate thoughts, which are a combination of all your negative responses. |
focus on positive thoughts and new interaction and parenting strategies |
resort to hurtful, out-of-control confrontations with your child |
plan for your next contact with your child by preparing your thoughts and expressing your feelings (have these written down if necessary); stick to your prepared outline as much as possible |
keep repeating your own fixed responses and patterns of reaction to your child's behaviours |
challenge yourself to change some of your own behaviours and expectations - take your child by surprise with a different response and check out how it works |
confuse "enabling" with love, support and communication |
maintain some connection with your child, even if he/she does not live with you; make coffee or dinner dates, send small parcels of favourite foods or warm clothing, but never give money |
let the many roadblocks prevent you from looking towards the long-term solutions |
commit to being part of the solution and remain actively involved in the process of recovery; let your child know that you love him/her and are committed to the long journey of recovery |
Some Suggestions for Working with Professionals
Finding professional help can be frustrating. You may find yourself wondering if the professional you are working with is trying to fix things that seem irrelevant to you when you are in crisis. The fact is, however difficult the communication is within your family, and between you and your child, YOU know the child better than anyone else. You know what the risks and dangers are. Be persistent, stay in touch with your own feelings, but keep an open mind to new approaches while continuing to listen to your heart.
- Look for professional help from those who have extensive knowledge of your child's particular problems, particularly someone with expertise in the field of youth substance abuse; learn about the effects of different drugs and the nature of addiction for yourself. IF AGGRESSION, DEPRESSION OR MOOD DISORDER PRECEDED YOUR CHILD'S USE OF ALCOHOL OR OTHER DRUGS, A PROFESSIONAL IN THE FIELD OF MENTAL HEALTH IS AN ESSENTIAL TEAM MEMBER.
- Look for help that includes a family-centered approach: one that will move towards solutions that include all members of the family, and one that does not try to blame anyone for the situation.
- Not all professionals work equally well with all families; if you cannot establish a comfort level with a worker or agency you may need to search for an agency with a different service perspective.
- Find professional help that will develop a game plan with you, with specific concrete steps to follow. Anticipate and be ready for the next move; put your name on a waiting list for assessment, counselling, treatment programs, even if you feel frustrated that these services require a wait.
- Once you have established a rapport with a worker or agency, follow the professional advice given, patiently and consistently.
- If possible, arrange a meeting or conference call with all the professionals involved with your child and family to help you prepare your direction and plan for intervention and treatment.
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